You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
