I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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