you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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