Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize