I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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