i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
