Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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