i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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