This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize