The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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