Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
