I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
