Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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