Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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