dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize