What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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