even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize