nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
