no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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