im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
