the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
