I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
