I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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