Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
