Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
