Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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