good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
