Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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