ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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