New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Randomize
