I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
