I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
