does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
