last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
