watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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