glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
