i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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