last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
