just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
