At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
