You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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