you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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