is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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