i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
