Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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