God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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