I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize