i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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