hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
