I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
