evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
