I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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