We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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