Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
