I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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