He kissed a someone with a penis
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
