Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
