I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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