if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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