So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize