Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize