Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
a search helicopter?!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
