He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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