areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
