Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
