I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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