As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wear drunk well.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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