so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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